The Scariest Thing Ever
by Wynsome Rose
Summary: When scientists have completed their current project, they move on to making a very special type of clone. Unfortunately for their hopes of doing awesome - but normal clones - their choices are anything but normal.


I do not own AzuManga Daioh, Twilight, the Lockhorns comic strip, or Teen Titans.

The Scariest Thing Known to Anyone

"How is the project coming along?" asked Mei Ling. Her team of researchers hadn't been satisfied with merely cloning a human being without the laborious labor process. They'd decided to combine the DNA of two vastly different people in order to prove that they could. Their chosen specimens ranged among age and nationality, and had been begged, bribed and threatened into cooperating. There were to be three hybrids, and the first one up was to be made between an American young man, aged eighteen, and a young Japanese girl who had been at college in America for the last two years, aged fifteen.

Edward Cullen and a girl commonly known as Chiyo-chan were, in fact, waiting to be called in for their final interview. He was resisting the urge to kill everyone in the building, and she was humming along as she happily read a book on genetics, published by none other than Ms. Ling.

"Eh, it's fine. The male of the two has an extremely odd genetic configuration, from what we've seen from the first test, with an extra two sets of chromosomes, but that doesn't matter. Just gotta make sure that we can get them to cooperate, should we need more samples."

"I can handle that," Mei said, straightening her suit jacket. "Once I've finished the final interview, with both of them there, we can get the fusing out of the way and work on the clone." She left the other, marching out on five-inch heels. Hey, she did legally qualify as a midget...

"If you two would please follow me to the conference room, I'd just like to go over final details before we get on to work," she said briskly, and marched off again.

Chiyo-chan followed eagerly, skipping after, and Edward followed far more reluctantly. What _he_ could see of the young girl's thoughts disturbed him immensely. She looked like she was ten! What kind of business did she have thinking about genetic splicing, Schrodinger's cat, and calculus? The scientist's mind was even worse because she had consciously set her thoughts so that there were several different layers running at the same time, and he could only get to the first level. It was incredibly vexing! How had she managed to do that? It wasn't conscious with his wife, she just had the power to block mental attacks.

Chiyo-chan stopped her humming to look back at the vampire. "Are you all right, Cullen-san?" she asked.

Having sat with her in the waiting room for two hours, he'd learned enough about her culture to know she was basically calling him 'Mr. Cullen', but that only served to creep the vampire out. "Fine," he said gruffly. He wanted to ask her why she thought of a talking cat thing (it had squiggly arms and legs, and appeared to be turning odd shades of purple) when he spoke, but he didn't get the opportunity, as they were ushered in to the conference room, which was little more than a cubicle in the building.

"Now, if you'd sign these," Mei Ling said, plopping a stack of papers at each chair.

Edward speed-signed, not even bothering to check what he was agreeing to. Chiyo-chan went through them steadily, reading every word carefully, but she still signed every one of the pages, and she finished only a little after the sparklepire.

Mei Ling clapped her hands. "Thank you! Now, what we're doing, basically, is taking DNA from you, Mr. Cullen, and DNA from you, Chiyo-san, and fusing them together. It'll create a hybrid of the two of you once we make the clone."

"What's the point?" Edward asked.

"Hmm...well, we're kinda bored. We're not signed to work on curing AIDS or cancer, after all, so we have to do something for funding," she said, shrugging. Business was business.

An aide peeked in. "Ms. Ling, there's- Oh! Aren't you just the cutest most adorable little girl in the whole wide universe!" she gushed at Chiyo.

"For the love of-!" Chiyo yelped. "I'm fifteen! FIFTEEN! I am _not_ a little girl!"

"You're not fifteen." Edward's voice was flat. "You don't have anything a fifteen year old would have."

"I wear baggy shirts, Cullen-san," she said stiffly, glaring at him and the aide both.

"Well now, he's sexy," the aide murmured, turning her gaze to Edward. Apparently, she couldn't keep her foot from her mouth.

"I'm married," he returned, fuming.

_I can see where this is going,_ Mei Ling thought, in one of her deeper layers of thoughts. _Their hybrid is going to be a _magnet_ for lesbians_. The thought nearly made her laugh, but she had enough self control to keep it in, without her throat so much as catching. "Jennifer, if you would please bring George, that would be good. He can do the extraction process for all the samples we'd need."

"This isn't like the cloning I read about, is it?" Chiyo-chan asked.

"Oh, no. We made that stuff outdated," Mei Ling said airily. "Now we just make a DNA fusion and make a person come up in a temporal scanner-styled thing. You wouldn't understand it if I tried to explain, even with your degree."

"She has a degree already?" Edward demanded.

"She's working on her Masters degree, Mr. Cullen," the scientist informed him, voice dry. "She _is_ a genius. Unfortunately, once she's ready for a doctorate, she's going back to Japan." She sighed. "I'd have loved to bring her onto my team after this, you know."

"There's other teams working on other things back home though, Ling-san," Chiyo interjected, polite as ever. "And all my old friends are there, finishing up their degrees."

Mei Ling shook her head. "You told me about your friends... Honestly, the sound of that Tomo scares me."

Listening in on what Chiyo thought when she heard Tomo, Edward could understand why. That was one crazy-ass wildcat child.

"They're not that bad, really," Chiyo said. "Osaka-san even drives better than Yukari-sensei." She shuddered.

Unbidden, Edward saw an image of an extremely beat-up Toyota car, and shoved back a shudder of his own. He felt sorry for the car.

George, a lab tech, appeared to bring them to his mysterious domain. He took various samples of skin, blood, hair, etc., before letting them leave.

The other pairs, interviewed later, were rather normal. Dick Grayson and Rachel Logan seemed rather disturbed that their spouses hadn't been selected as well to be with them, but they acquisced. Mei Ling _did_ have to wonder just why Mrs. Logan claimed her hair was naturally purple, but she pushed that one aside. The other pair was actually boring compared to the other two. The male was fat and balding, the woman was pinch nosed and bossy, but she got through it.

**One year later:**

"Now, we're going to allow you to meet your hybrids," Mei Lign told the six, smiling. "Be warned, two of 'em are a little...different, but they're coming along very nicely. The hybrids age faster than a regular clone, because of some modifications we made, but once they're old enough - say, around fifteen - we'll swap that bit back to normal." She preened slightly, very proud. "First up is the hybrid of Mr. Cullen and Chiyo-san. We named her, I hope you don't mind. Come on out, Guinevere."

Guinevere was led in by an aide, who was rubbing a bandaged hand. "Don't touch her unexpectedly," he warned. "She bites."

"Ah, does she do anything weird besides that?" Edward inguired, dry-mouthed.

"Well, she does attract all the lesbians in the building," Mei Ling said, giggling, "Occasionally she talks about stuff nobody's said outloud, but we can handle that. She's very smart."

Guinevere smiled, showing off pretty little fangs. Her red hair was bobbed around her chin, and her eyes were a vivd green set in tanned skin. She appeared to be about seven, and clutched in one arm was a rather mauled teddy bear.

"Second up, Mr. Grayson and Mrs. Logan's hybrid. Things tend to break when she gets angry, and we've observed some odder side effects when she's angry, but she's generally very calm. We call her Eleanor."

Eleanor was brought in by a female aide, who looked very annoyed. Her collar, which was normally unbuttoned to offer a view of her bra and some cleavage, had been buttoned up and was held in place by some odd green substance. Mr. Grayson snorted.

Eleanor's hair was jet black, her eyes purple, and her skin, for a reason that the reasearcher's had yet to fathom, was fire-engine red. There appeared to be small stumps like antlers on her head. She looked to be about six and she was smirking.

"Mr. and Mrs. Lockhorn's hybrid is a boy. He's actually very normal. No weird incidents, other than occasionally getting in a fight with himself," the scientist continued blithely. "Please bring in M.J."

M.J. was dutifully brought in. He was a blonde sullen little boy, and looked like he was almost ten. Both girls shot him hateful looks, and moved close to each other to whisper.

"What does 'M.J.' stand for?" Mr. Lockhorn asked.

Edward, who had a pretty good idea of what it was, glanced at Mei Ling.

"Michael Jackson," she said, and smirked.

Chiyo-chan didn't get it, but the others laughed. Instead, she smiled back at Guinevere and Eleanor. "Hi."

"You're not my mama, you're just half my DNA," Guinevere said, looking up at her. "Just so you know."

"If I was your mama, you'd've come from somewhere else," Chiyo said. She did understand reproduction after all.

Guinevere grinned. "I think I was given more of your DNA."

Eleanor giggled. "I got more of Rachel's DNA, I think. Did you know, they let us work with them? Except for Michael Jackson. But he's stupid anyhow, so nobody cares. I don't know how he ages faster than we do."

"It means he can get shipped off to boarding school first," Guinevere said, "So let's not complain."

"You guys get to go to boarding school?" Chiyo asked.

"Yeah. All-girls and all-boys. They're thinking that Guin and I will probably be sent to a Japanese school, because we decided we wanted to learn the language. They gave us a choise of any language we wanted to learn, for our second fluent language. We're to have four ones to be fluent in before we leave," Eleanor said.

"That's pretty cool," Chiyo said. "My school only offered English, and it was mandatory."

Mei Ling called her away, and soon the three children were dispatched to wherever. A few days later, Chiyo-chan was going back to Japan, amused that no one had realized that she'd ferretted out their secrets. Osaka would be pleased to know that her vampire theory was correct, and Kagura would have another goal after the Olympics.

And the children? Well, let's just say that _their_ adventures should be almost as interesting and disturbing as their parents. (At least, Eleanor and Guinevere's. Michael Jackson was just going to be...well, Michael Jackson, just less friendly than the original, probably).

The inspiration of this story can be credited fully to one of my friends, who wondered what fusions of AzuManga Daioh and Twilight characters would be like.  
The other two hybrid-ing pairs were just there for the heck of it, really. I may go on to write a longer thing with all of this, but probably not.


End file.
